Self-storytelling

Just arrived in the Netherlands, everyone I met would ask me why I was here, how long I would stay, and what I had left in Italy. At first, I improvised, but then I started telling almost the same "story" every time. Over time, things have changed—I did, and my perspective on the reasons, my home country, etc. has transformed as well. And the story I tell has changed too: there's the abbreviated version for those in a hurry and the one for those who want to get to know me better. In other words, I have adapted my narrative to who I am today and the audience listening.

In how many ways can you tell your story to others?

We talked about this last week with Francesca Marchegiano on the podcast episode Inspiring Stories - Narrating Yourself During a Job Interview (available just in italan)

You can do it in many different ways, through:

- Metaphors or vicarious stories, perhaps your favorite book or story.

- Your values and beliefs.

- Your life experiences, the "unfortunately" and "fortunately" moments (the post and dedicated exercise will be coming on Friday).

- People and characters who inspire you along the way.

- Your passions and interests.

- Your skills and what sets you apart, what makes you YOU.

So, grab pen and paper and start writing about yourself while keeping these methods in mind.

But how can you truly spark interest and build a relationship with others?

Let's explore it together.

Characteristics of a Good Self-Narrative

The first characteristics were shared by all the guests on Coach for breakfast! So, it's worth putting them into practice.

1. Authenticity: A good self-narrative is authentic—it reflects your true identity, experiences, and values. Avoid presenting yourself in an overly idealized way or inventing information to appear different from who you really are. Sooner or later, those aspects will come out, leading us to the second point.

2. Consistency: Your self-narrative should be consistent over time and across different contexts. This means being able to tell your story consistently and aligned, without contradictions or discrepancies. A person's journey may be diverse, perhaps you have always done the same job or have changed a thousand times. Take a look at your career path or the courses and interests you have cultivated over the years. What has been the common thread guiding you?

3. Emotional Engagement: A good self-narrative emotionally engages the listener. Resonance is a beautiful thing I learned in my counseling training. I hope you like it too. It's an echo within us triggered by the emotion of the other person. Your narrative manages to capture the lived experience and the emotions associated with it for the person listening.

If what I say resonates with you, it’s merely because we’re branches of the same tree. William Butler Yeats

4. Clarity: Your self-narrative should be clear and understandable. Use simple and direct language to communicate who you are, what you have done, and what you can offer (if it's an interview). I always get tangled up with parenthetical phrases like "wait, I need to add that clarification" or "wait, I need to make a note". Ask yourself, "Who am I adding this piece for? Does it really help with clarity? Can I make the sentence shorter and simpler? Let's remove instead of adding (I'm still working on this too!).

5. Knowledge: Not only about yourself, which is crucial, but also about who is in front of you. Adapt your narrative to specific people or contexts. Try to highlight experiences, skills, or relevant achievements for the specific situation in which you are presenting yourself.

6. Adaptability: Linked to the previous point, your self-narrative should be adaptable to different situations or opportunities.

7. Objectives: Like any form of communication, ask yourself: Why am I saying this? What outcome do I expect? Highlight what you want to achieve or contribute to your professional and personal journey.

8. Passion and Enthusiasm: Tell a story that you enjoy too. If you're the first one to get bored, find a way to make your story come alive. I know it's not easy. You know what gets in the way? Fear. Those self-sabotaging thoughts like "No one is interested," "This is irrelevant," "I don't want to embarrass myself," etc. Try the exercise of looking at yourself as if you've never seen yourself before.

9. Memorability: You don't have to write the story of your life, but it should be unique and capable of making you stand out from others. It's your story, not a copy-paste of someone else's or what you think others want to hear from you (I'm very organized, I enjoy working in teams, I'm precise and punctual). The purpose is for others to remember you and associate certain qualities or characteristics with you.

Now, get to work! Which of these points is more challenging for you? Do you want to talk about it? Write to me at chiaramarturano@gmail.com.